you

idleness is scary. those milliseconds when my head is empty. that is scary. eating is scary. walking is scary. talking is scary. thinking is scary. 

songs are terrifying. i fear they'll remind me of you. empty melodies are terrifying. they bring back memories

my phone gives me anxiety. every time i look at it, i want to see your name. but knowing the fact that you won't be there, gives me anxiety. it breaks me every moment.

i hold it in. while doing anything, i hold it back. but the day ends. and my heart weeps. my heart feels misplaced. i feel lost and forgotten. i feel lonely. 

i want to run, but there isn't any place to go to. it makes me want to hide. but hiding too reminds me of you

you are so special. i wish i were special.

i don't belong here. i am constantly looking for you, but you are nowhere to be found. 

i try to be brave. try to be strong, but i am very weak. i am scared and weak. i am a 4 year child afraid of the dark. i am vulnerable. i am dressed in self pity while i search for you

the search must end. but i can't stop.

i want you. i need you. i love you

i want to beg you to come back. but i am scared it will hurt more the next time. so i stop. i try to control. the more i control. the more it pains. 

i am sorry. every single thing makes me think of you

i am scared of the world. it will remind me of you and they'll know i am weak. so i sit tight. a hug cracks me open. it reminds me of you. a touch reminds me of you. the chairs, the walls, the maps, everything has you in it.

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