Self aware, yet utterly clueless

5th November


 Yes, I know its not aligned, but the world is tilted and so is my painting.

I sit in the corner of my house in complete silence, except the noises of the traffic from the main road gushing through the open door of my room, that is suggested to be shut by all. Also, the bugging sound of James nibbling and licking his feet.

Although, there is something peaceful in the air tonight. Maybe, it is the dim candle that I lit tonight in the piercing darkness. Watching its flame dance to the rhythm of the air. If only I too could be as subtle, serene and flexible like a flame. Bewildered and uncontrollable if not confined, but a necessity when put at its place. Maybe, I am a lot like this flame than I can ever realize. But, who wants to be a necessity? Necessities aren't appreciated or valued. Its the bewilderness that is feared and respected. 

Throw this laptop and my phone. Cut all the telephone connectivity lines. Get rid of the TVs and just for once. Just for one minute, be at peace. Be relaxed, not this tight headed soul constantly worrying about the backlog of work that needs to be completed the next day in addition to the distractions that need to be dodged. Fuck the world. Why can't we just be. Simply exist and create. Let anything and everything become a passion without the necessity of a work thing. 

I just want to exist for once. As if nothing survived on earth except me, my ideas and creativity. I miss Marx. The society wasn't meant to progress in this manner. Everything just diverted to external progression and people just missed out the internal progression. Every day probably lakhs of people die without ever knowing themselves. What a sad sad day for humanity.

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